Kindergarten

So, Emma went to her Kindergarten Assessment Test the other day.

It's a time when the teachers try to see how smart your kid is and decide which class they need to be in.

It went something like this:

Teacher:  What's your full name?
Emma:  *shrug*

Teacher:  What's your first name?
Emma:  Emma

Teacher:  What's your last name?
Emma:  *shrug*

We're not off to a good start.  I'm stuck at a table in a tini-tiny chair that doesn't even fit 1/2 a butt cheek.  Emma doesn't know her name and I'm trying to answer a dumb questionairre that asks what I want Emma to get out of Kindergarten.  I'm tempted to answer that I want her to get a million dollars.

The teacher continues:

Teacher:  Repeat this sentence after me:  "I have a big, black dog."
Emma:  I don't have a dog.

Teacher:  Just repeat this sentence: "I have a big, black dog."
Emma:  *long silence* "I have a white bird."

Teacher:  No, just repeat this sentence.  It doesn't have to be true or false.  "I have a big, black dog."
Emma:  No I don't.

I'm dying at the back table!  And Emma looks so confused.  The teacher just goes on:

Teacher:  Let's try another one.  Repeat this sentence: "I am going on a picnic today."
Emma:  No I'm not!

At this point I leave the room because I'm laughing so hard.  My kid doesn't know her name, she doesn't have a black dog and doesn't know what 'repeat' means.  I have no idea what happens while I'm in the hall.

When I come back Emma struggles though some letters and sounds.  She tries to write a sentence, but has to answer "I don't know how" to every word of the sentence.  Her head is sinking to her chest. 

We finish up with some math.  Stuff like, "Figure in your head, if you had three blocks and added one, how many would you have?"  I'm sure Emma doesn't know what "in your head" means. 

Luckily we finish up and skeedaddle.  Josh tries to explain what 'repeat' means in the car.  He says it's like the copycat game.

He practices like this:

Josh: Uh
Emma: Uh

Josh: Um
Emma: Um

Josh:  Will you stop it?
Emma: Will you stop it?

Josh: I have a big, black dog
Emma:  You do?

So much for preschool!  Emma's got a lot of learnin' to do this year!

Long John Silver

I'm going to get around to posting about school stuff -- sometime.

But this morning this little essay by Josh just caught my eye.

He wrote it several years ago,

But it still applies.

Here's hoping he doesn't write anything like it today in school.

Long John Silver & My Mom


Long John Silver is heartless and my mom is heartless also. They both have traits that make them heartless. Elements of this trait are being cruel, selfish, and scary.

Long John is very heartless. First, one of the crew members, Tom, was killed by Long John because Tom would not join the pirates. It is very cruel just to kill someone because they don't agree with you. Second, Long John thinks only about himself. One time, during Long John’s travels, he led a mutiny with the pirates so that he could get more of the treasure but later mutinied against the pirates. Long John was being heartless because he doesn't care about the people that are on his side just as long as he gets the treasure. Third, Long John is scary. When Long John wants something done he yells at the pirates to do it which scares them. When Long John gets what he wants it makes him happy. So scaring people makes Long John happy which is very heartless.

My mom also has the traits of being heartless. First, she gives me jobs and makes me do homework everyday after school which is very cruel. Second, if my mom goes to Harts before I get home from school, she won’t take or get anyone else anything which is very selfish. Third, when my mom gets mad, she uses this voice that always scares everyone. Everyone is so scared that they feel bad and my mom gets what she wants. All three of these traits make my mom heartless.

Because Long John is heartless there are things that he ends up with. Some consequences of Long John being heartless would be walking away with treasure, not being caught and probably being happy. There are also some bad consequences, like nobody likes him and no one will help him when he’s in trouble.

When my mom is heartless she gets some consequences too. Consequences for my mom include having a clean house, cold drinks from Harts, and she is very happy. Some bad effects are that when my mom gets nominated for cleanest house, she will have to include the people who actually cleaned it. Also she will not have the warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you share your drinks from Harts.

Don't miss tomorrow's post when I tell you how Emma did at her kindergarten test. 
 
 Let's just say she probably failed.

Peaches

Spent a few hours at the cannery the other day.

We were doing peaches.

And by "We", I mean "They". 

I was doing boxes, which had very little to do with peaches.

Other than they were labelled "peaches".

It was four hours of taping box bottoms, and sticking labels on boxes.

You'd think this would be horrible.

But I love it.

I think I'm cut out for production work.

Give me a job, get out of my way, let me get it done.

Of course it helped to talk to an older gentleman serving a mission there.

He told me about his recent divorce,

His son that had just gotten out of juvie,

And how volunteering as an investigator at the MTC 5 days a week has changed his life.

Ah! 

Testimonies and Peaches -- what can be better?

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

I think the only thing our family can count as a Summer Vacation activity this year was going to Lagoon.

We went back on the 23rd of July (yeah, I'm THAT far behind on blogging).

I hoped the whole day was  going to be  EPIC so that the children would remember we did Something during the summer.

It started out pretty EPIC as the boys were getting along and really chumming it up!

We increased the incredible-ness of the day by sending the boys on the Samurai.

Of course, that was a little anti-climatic as they waited for vomit to be cleaned up before they could get on the ride. (ewww!)

And you can't get more EPIC than getting mom to ride Cliffhanger and getting Emma to go on WICKED!

That's just CRAZY EPIC!

And what puts the whole day over the top more than ending it on THIS ride:

That's me trying not to hurl!

Don't worry, I kept the whole EPIC theme as I vomited all the way home. 

Sorry to Farmington, North Salt Lake and Draper for leaving a trail of EPIC in your city.

Happy Summer Vacation Kids!

Ugh!

Like an idiot, I volunteered for something new this summer.

While out to dinner with Jeff,

Moaning over all the crap I'm involved with,

And how I need to cut-back . . .

I accepted a request to volunteer to put teams together for soccer.

Did I mention I'm an idiot?

Anyway, I'm fielding questions from an irate parent today.

She wrote the wrong thing on her registration,

She didn't call me back,

She didn't email me back,

When I tried to clarify, over the last 3 WEEKS!!

Now she's angry,

And the fact of the matter is,

I can't fix it,

It's in someone else's hands now.

To top it off, she has her friend calling me now.

I want to shoot her,

Or maybe myself,

Cuz I'm an IDIOT!

What I Thought On Sunday . . .

While sitting in the audience on Sunday,

I focused on Ethan, who was sitting on the stand.

He seemed like a good person to focus on.

Especially since he looked so handsome!

What a delightful distraction he was.

Bless you Ethan~

Peace, Be Still

I am loving the weather last night and this afternoon.

A summer rain storm is PERFECT!

I got up at 5:30am and sat out on the porch,

Wishing my dad was there too, just like he was when I was young.

But I sat alone and it was still beautiful to behold.

I went back to bed and waited for Emma to get up,

Thinking she'd be afraid of the lights and sound.

But she never did.

This morning when I asked her why she didn't come get in bed with me, she said

Cuz, I just said "Peace, Be Still," and it stopped.  So I was fine.

I asked where she learned that phrase.

She said, "Primary -- It's what Jesus said on the water."

Heart . Melted .

Here's some photos from this afternoons rain shower --