The Adventures of Flower Girl & Dirt Boy

A.K.A. Emma & Ethan

Installment One:

The Garden Master is suffering in the grips of a PMS (Pesticidal Munchkin Swarming) epidemic, and with possibly her last breath signals for help from Flower Girl & Dirt Boy.

"Dirt Boy," she yells whispers, "Take Flower Girl and go away outside. Find me a flower that will save my life."

"It will be done, Garden Master!" chants Dirt Boy and Flower Girl. "But we must sing our theme song before we go!"

"A theme song, for crying out loud!" says Garden Master with tears beginning to fill her eyes.

Flower Girl begins to sing, "Mommy's alright, Mommy's alright, Mommy's alright . . . Dirt Boy, you sing!" she says.

Dirt Boy sings, "Mommy's alright, Daddy's alright they just seem a little weird, surrender, surrender."

"Ha, ha . . very funny" says Garden Master, "Why don't you try another?"

Flower Girl starts, "Cinderella, SOS . . . . Dirt Boy, you sing!" she says.

Dirt Boy sings, "I'll send an SOS to the world, I hope that someone gets my message in a bottle."

"You can't steal your theme song from Guitar Hero." says Garden Master "Now go get me a cure!" she whispers . . . .

The Duo leave with their signature yell, "Chicka wah wah, Chicka wah wah" and a sesmic shake of their butts. After many peaceful moments the Superhero Duo returns with the cure:

All is well for another day in Vincent Garden, trouble has been narrowly averted with the help of FLOWER GIRL and DIRT BOY!

Wedding Traditions

Well, the weekend has come and gone and another wedding has been held. It was a great day for Ryan and Annie and we couldn't be more happy that the two of them are married!

But you know these wedding things always get me thinking --- If I was to be married again (Jeff, I'm just speculating), would I want all the wedding traditions? Or would I jet off to Vegas for a quick, no-nonsense wedding? I think I might actually forgo most of the typical wedding traditions, there was something quite lovely about the drive-thru wedding I witnessed at the Little White Chapel. The way the groom and bride sat astride his motorcycle ready to race off into their new lives together. The constant handing out of tissues to the bride through the drive thru window made me teary too.

But I do like some wedding traditions, for example: the cake (it's first on the list today due to my dieting obsession), having photos taken (just remember to follow the Wedding Do's and Dont's), and honeymooning (there's a good honeymoon story coming some day). Although one wedding tradition, I think I may have missed the boat on a little bit. The Wedding Song

Jeff and I had a small discussion after this weekend about what "Our Song" was. I think we both agreed that it is: Radar Love by Golden Earring. Yup! That romantic favorite that everyone uses for their first dance together. You can listen to it here:



It really is "Our Song" though. It's the song Jeff played on our second date as we jetted down the freeway from the Charlonians Ball to play midnight mini golf. Silly girl of 18 that I was thought the song was "Red Hot Love" not "Radar Love". Ah . . I tried so hard to be mature and cool that night.

To get that song out of your mind, I've included here my mom and dad's song. I think it's pretty cool, although they didn't use it at their wedding (that I know of).


Nice eh? All I know is that if I was ever without Jeff you could find me locked in his 69 Cougar listening to "Our Song." Here's some photos of the wedding in Vegas (Ryan & Annie's, not the drive thru couple).

Spiritual Thought

I made Jeff rush home last night from Las Vegas so that I could make it to my ward council meeting this morning. But somewhere between figuring out we wouldn't get home until 3:00am and my meeting starts at 7:00am I decided I should get a "sub" for my meeting. I know, doesn't seem like such a big deal to get a sub . . . but I had the spiritual thought for the meeting. Again, I realize . . "what's the big deal"? But I have been planning this spiritual thought since November! (Yes, I realize this makes me a big geek --I've also been planning a Mother's Day talk for years too) So as I rode home last night bemoaning the fact that no one would hear my lovely spiritual thought, I decided that I would feel better if I shared it with YOU! So welcome to my ward council spiritual thought:

I love to sing to country music! When I'm in my car running errands, going on trips - I love to sing along to country music. But last year, this favorite thing to do became a problem. Whenever I was in the car singing, Melanie would be there singing along too. But she wasn't singing the same thing I was. Melanie was singing pretty much the same words I was, but the tune of the song was NOT the same. I started to get really irritated! I'd sing louder to show her what the right tune was. I would stubbornly not sing at all. I began to think that she was showing off her singing skills in some odd manner. I started listening to 80's music just because Melanie wouldn't know the words and I could sing by myself. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I told her she couldn't sing in the car with me anymore.


When I received my new calling last October I found a book with a really great quote in it:

"You can't have Harmony
when everyone sings the same note"

A light went off in my head! I'd been so tied up with what I was singing and being right that I hadn't really listened to what Melanie had been singing. I really am NOT a great singer and I can usually only hear the melody of a song. So I asked Melanie what she had been singing --- You guessed it, she had been trying to sing harmony with me!

I had been so caught up in singing things MY way, that what I didn't hear how we sounded TOGETHER. It's sad, but Melanie had been listening closely to what I was singing and trying to make what we were doing better. She wasn't working in opposition to me like I had felt.

In Doctrine & Covenants 38:27 it reads, "Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine." I think we are all "one" as a song is just one song. But there can be harmony and parts in that song. In fact, having different ways of doing the same thing can be more beautiful and more unifying than singing all the same note.

That's it! That's my thought - I'm ashamed to say I'm full of faults, but happy that the Lord shows me where I'm wrong and let's me learn. As a side note, Carole filled in for me as the sub and I heard that her spiritual thought was awesome! (See, both of us doing the same thing but in different ways! Amazing truths)

Viva Las Vegas

You'll not find a full house here this weekend!

Jeff and I are off to a wedding and a night away in a hotel by ourselves. I'm looking forward to some reading time in the car, refills of Diet Coke at every gas station, maid service and waitresses! Ah ~ this is the life. Look for wedding photos on Monday, cross your fingers that Elvis will be there.

Battle of The Bulge

Are you aware that the Battle of the Bulge was the last major Nazi Army offensive in World War II? There were over 75,000 Americans maimed, killed or captured in this battle. In the end though, between 80,000 to 100,000 Germans were lost and all ground captured in the offensive was lost as well.

Hmmm. . .something to think about as I start DAY 1 of my own personal Battle of the Bulge. I can't decide who I'm going to be . . . the Americans or the Germans. Am I going to be maimed, killed and captured in the inital phases of my "weight control / life change"? Or will I gain at the beginning, like the Germans ,only to lose even more at the very end of the battle? (Sad, but the German scenario doesn't sound too bad when applied to weight loss)

All I know, is that I might have an actual chance at losing some pounds this time as I'm competing in a neighborhood "Biggest Loser" challenge. Finally something I can wrap my will power around . . . . a CHALLENGE! Plus, I have to weigh in with someone every week and had to fork over some cash (additional motivation for sure!)

It all sounds well and good until I think of myself being in Las Vegas this weekend for my brother-in-law's wedding. All that gorgeous food at the buffet! Makes me feel like this lady:






Three cheers to losing 10% of my body weight - and not having to wedge my butt in my pants! I'll be sad to see the boobs go, I've become fond of my "D" cup.

ABC's of Me

Everything you NEVER wanted to know about me . . .

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A - ADVOCATE FOR: Stopping LDS Fiction Writing. It seems harsh but I just can't stand LDS Fiction - I think too many people forget it's FICTION and expect endings that only Anita Stansfield can provide. (I'm sure Anita is a lovely person and I'm happy she is making a living for her family with her writing abilities)

B - BEST FEATURE: Mute Button. I know - I don't have that feature, but it's seems like if I had a list of features to choose from that's what I'd choose (for everyone but me!)

C - COULD DO WITHOUT: Stop Signs and Lane Changing Blinkers. Oh wait! I already do without those.

D - DREAMS & DESIRES: That Mitt Romney was still running for President. Man I miss the fingernail biting, number crunching, debate analyzing excitement every night! It was like the NBA playoffs every day ~ now I just can't stand to watch any of it.

E - ESSENTIAL ITEMS: A book, Palm Pilot, pencil & crossword puzzle book. These four things can get me through the longest road trip, high council Sunday, doctor's visit and my Stake Leadership Training meeting Thursday night!

F - FAVORITE PAST TIME: Playing ToonTown. Don't even bother finding this on the internet if you have addiction tendencies. It's like crack for stay at home moms disguised as a child's Disney game!

G - GOOD AT: Sarcastic remarks, flippant replies and some crafts.

H - HAVE NEVER TRIED: Actually saying the word "NO" when someone asked me to do something. I have practiced saying it in the mirror but it still hasn't worked.

I - IF I HAD A MILLION DOLLARS: "I'd buy your love" Any Barenaked Ladies' fans in the house? (hmmm .. . . not sure that came out right)

J - JUNKIE FOR: Stamp Collecting, HAM Radio, Gardening, Housework Checking my blog statistics. Sad, but true.

K - KINDRED SPIRIT: Debra Barone. Yup, she's my kindred spirit - and it shows no more evidently than on the Everybody Loves Raymond episode "Bad Moon Rising" (for which Patricia Heaton won an Emmy). I've provided a clip of this episode, but it comes with a language warning (not kidding about the warning!) . . . . Click HERE to watch it, it's scary how similar I am!

L - LITTLE KNOWN FACT: Doesn't it just seem counterintuitive to write down a little known fact about me on a blog that hundreds 20 people look at?

M - MEMORABLE MOMENT: I can't even begin to write something here, there's too many - both bad and good. But if you're super curious, come over and spend the day looking through scrapbooks with me and I could tell you my top four!

N - NEVER AGAIN WILL I: Say that I will NEVER do something. Come on, we all know I don't have enough self control to make a commitment like that.

O - OCCASIONAL INDULGENCE: Diet Coke. Bwhahahaha!

P - PROFESSION: Principal Home Manager in charge of Family Access, Growth and Security Solutions. Otherwise known as Mother.

Q - QUOTE: "Because Nice Matters"

R - REASON TO SMILE: Thinking back to my last body massage . . . . The masseuse kept jiggling my chubby legs. I said, "What's that suppose to be doing?" She said, "It helps you relax your muscles" I said, "It's only making me wish I had gone to the gym more!" We then shared a nice awkward laugh and I spent the next few minutes in hyper-flex mode on my legs. Ah . . . Good Times!

S - SORRY ABOUT: Sharing that last story!

T - TAG SOME FRIENDS: Umm . . This whole concept is too much like a Tupperware Party - If I write your name you are obligated to do this ABC thing. I can't bring myself to do it! I chose to do it of my own freewill, without being Tagged - you can too if you want.

U - UNINTERESTED IN: Nothing. I like to hear about anything - I think it's all interesting!

V - VERY SCARED OF: Snakes & Water. Nothing worse than a water snake!

W - WORST HABIT: Turning what could be a short blog into a long blog. Sorry!

X - X MARKS MY IDEAL VACATION SPOT: Any hotel with just Jeff & me in the room. Ok, vacations with the kids are great too, but we're talking "ideal". The kind of vacation where you're not feeding people, you're being fed. You're not doing the laundry, it's being done for you. You're not entertaining, you're being entertained. As long as it's a cockroach free, smoke free, highspeed internet, cable tv available hotel . . .I'm good!

Y - YUMMIEST DESSERT: The one with sugar or high fructose corn syrup in it. (Sorry, there's an exception . . . Pinto Bean Pie - you can't sugar that enough to make it work)

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: Aries. I'm not saying I believe in Zodiac Signs, but here's a few descriptions of what being an Aries means, you can decide if they sound like me.

• Symbol: The Ram
• Aries people are 'doers' rather than 'talkers'. They are the impulsive, act first, ask questions or have doubts later
• Aries people love challenges. In fact, if everything is running smoothly, they are quite capable of going out and doing something (sometimes quite foolish) to rock the boat
• Aries Secret Desire: To lead the way for others

Life is Good

While in Flagstaff this past weekend I got to go to a store called "Life Is Good". I have wanted to go to a store like this for a long time. Ever since I saw how the owners of the company started from pratically nothing - I wanted to have a real look at what they make.

If you're not familiar with their stuff - click HERE to get a look.

Well, after looking high and low through their store and trying to keep Emma out of the doggie friendly water dish, the dressing rooms and the breakable mug section -- I came to some quick conclusions. First, I cannot purchase a $25 T-Shirt, it's ethically wrong for me. Second, I don't like dog-friendly stores and Third, why in the heck can I not draw a smiley face and make a bazillion dollars too? So here's some of my attempts:

I can't call this one "Life is Good" since it's a first attempt - So I entitle it "Life is Pretty Good"

Next try was while I was thinking about how to jump out of the car last night after I had been sitting next to Emma for 4 hours in the very back seat of the van. I am carsick still and have a bruise on my leg.

Next . . . this really is not going to make me any money, but after watching a "how to draw Plankton" bit on Nickelodeon Saturday night I just had to try.

I'm sorry, but this morning was rather pleasant and inspired this creation:

Finally, this drawing does absolutely NO justice to my overall weekend but you should all know that the nicest, most thoughtful woman on the planet and her family lives in Flagstaff and it was a true pleasure to step out of my bubble and visit her this weekend!

Gone

Seems like I just got back from a vacation and here I go on another! We're off for Spring Break to visit my friend Leslie Clark in Flagstaff. Chris should be getting his mission call today when we get there - we are so excited for that! Check Chris' link on the side to see where he goes.

So, yes, we arent' home and if you know where we live you can break in and steal all our stuff. Please start with the dirty dishes, the garbage on the floor, the dust bunnies under my bed and don't forget to steal the left over food in the fridge.

Bumper Sticker Fun

With the kids home from school for Spring Break I tried to cook up some fun for them. So I gathered them all around my computer (ok, Ethan was on another computer, but we were playing a game together). And I took my kids for a tour of the internet . . . . Whee!

Actually I hit the mother lode on one website that kept us laughing for hours. What comes next is a sampling of our first day of Spring Break fun!

Do you have a favorite bumper sticker saying?

Dressing Up

Last week, in the midst of play practices and performances, Emma took some time to do some dressing up for herself.

Here she is as Blues Clues

Here she is as Ethan

And here she is as Darth Vader

Kind of a strange mix of characters to dress up as don't ya think? Which part of all of this explains why she's started calling me "Step Mother"?

Beauty & The Beast

Whew! The school play is finally over. It was a long haul this time and I am fairly glad to be done. But the whole experience has got me thinking . . .

Before the first evening performance I had to pull aside the prince and ask him to stop kissing his own hand at the end of the play and kiss Beauty's hand. "Oh, I can't!" the prince said. "Why ever not?" I asked. (I like to speak more formally on play nights) "Because I like her!" he said. Then he offered to show me all the hearts in his notebook that had their initials in them. The princes' buddies then confirmed Beauty's crush on him. Ah! The joy of a first crush and during a dramatic musical, no less -- how wonderful.

That experience coupled with some 80's music on the radio threw me back to my first crush (I'm not counting Eric from 3rd grade - although he was adorable with his thick glasses and brilliant mind). My first true love crush happened on a cold New Year's Eve . . . the neighbor boy had sent notes out to all the girls in the neighborhood asking if they would "go" with him. I was so thrilled to get his note (because I didn't know he sent one to everyone!) and I quickly checked the box that said "Yes" and returned the note. And that's how our "romance" began!

During our time together we would write notes to each other (please don't laugh when you learn that I have EVERY note I've ever recieved kept in a rather large box), we would roller skate at Classic Skating together, we even performed in a roadshow and stake musical together. Otherwise we ignored each other because we liked each other. That's how you "know" it's real when you're in 6th grade . . . when you try not to show you like each other but your actions scream otherwise.

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Here are couple of photos from the play - Beauty was simply phenomenal as were the Beast and the Prince. All the kids did GREAT!

Express Yourself

I thought this might be a fun choice for posts on days when I want to update my blog but don't have the time or brain capacity to make it work. So, here's a topic and everyone who comes by . . .please "Express Yourself" and leave a comment. (See, it looks like I'm writing a blog, but really you all will do the work on these days - just call me Tom Sawyer).

A group of adults robbed a candy store in Ohio recently, they stole $400 worth of candy. One of the 19 year old robbers took along her 7 week old daughter for the heist. They were caught! The police followed the long line of candy wrappers which lead them to the robbers.

QUESTION: If you committed a crime -- what would be the "wrapper" left behind that would lead the police to you?

MY ANSWER: The police would DNA test all the Diet Coke bottles left at the scene of the crime, which I would have guzzled down by the dozen to calm my nerves about committing the crime. The police would then look up my address using my name found on the apology notes I left for the victims and arrest me at home.

Can't wait to see what you all write!

Chicken Foot Anyone?

If only it were physically possible to kick myself - I would today! I have spent the better part of the last week making a complete idiot of myself. In essence, I have been "Putting My Foot In My Mouth". Check this picture out to get an idea just how bad this is:

Foot In Mouth Photo

I've struggled the past 24 hours re-living every stupid, idiotic thing I have said the past few days. While thinking about it, I found a really interesting study done by the American Psychological Society. In the study 71 people were served the foot of a chicken from a Chinese woman who claimed this was a meaningful cultural dish while the APS waited to see who would eventually say, "That's Bloody Revolting!" and toss the dish aside.

I don't have to think twice about if I would've criticized the chicken foot. I would have opened my mouth and inserted MY OWN foot and said something stupid!

Just this morning I had to again, physically brace myself and pull my own foot out. In a moment of frustration and exhaustion I tossed two leading stars out of play practice last night. They both vowed never to return as they left crying. This poses a problem, since they are to perform tomorrow night. In addition, I let loose an unfortunate choice of words that went something like this, "Sit your @!* over there and don't move" right in front of a darling row of 12 year olds in my ward. I haven't even begun making that one right.

If you haven't received your "I'm sorry" call yet, just know the list is long but I'll get to it. Meanwhile, I'll be trying to stop adding to the list - I'm ready for a humble dish of chicken foot.

Girls GONE Wild

Thank you to all the ladies who came on this trip to Bear Lake with me and mom! We had a great time (and if you really didn't, please don't tell me - let me live in my little wonderland bubble). Here's a few highlights from the trip and a couple pictures too:

Highlights:

• Going a "new" way to Bear Lake. We looped through Logan and into Paris, Idaho before dropping into Bear Lake. There is some amazing countryside through there!
• Purchasing 8 bags of Goldfish crackers for $3.34 at the Pepperidge Farm factory
• Seeing how fast people from Idaho will stop to help you out of a ditch
• Wind & Sun burned cheeks from fourwheeling
• Staying up until 1am chatting with the girls
• Rushing home to see our families while listening to Elder Ballard's talk about how much mothers are appreciated!
  
  
  
  

  "Someone" tried to make a tight U-turn and ended up driving off the road. Thank heavens for kind farm boys who carry tow ropes and stop!
  
  

These are cranes that we wanted to get pictures of and instigated the whole U-Turn into a ditch thing. The cranes were really cool and there was a ton of them

Cherylnn & her daughter - these two had been on four whelers before!

Me & Jenny waiting a turn on the four wheelers

Jacquie -who didn't want to get "cold", but came anyway and had a great time!

Card playing ladies!

Thanks to Jeff for letting me go and have some time with my friends. I am always excited to "get away", but it's not nearly as excited as when I come home! It's good to remember how much I miss my family when I'm gone, and how much I appreciate associating with good hearted women who lift me up!

Girls About To Go Wild

It's that time of year when spring is upon us and General Conference is about to be held. It's the time when the Girls Go Wild. YeeHa!

It's become a sort of tradition for me and my mom to head up to Bear Lake and stay in her neighbors condo for conference weekend. We play cards, we listen to conference, we eat ourselves silly and scrapbook into the wee hours. It's wonderful!

I wanted to post a few fun photos of October's Girls Gone Wild - otherwise, I'll update this blog when I get back. Have a great weekend everyone!

Me & mom with Bear Lake in the background - it's a cold day!

Melanie, Syndi & Stephanie about to give the four wheeler a try

Mom & Kim

I love to splash through puddles when I'm driving my van, I thought I'd try it with the four wheeler. I crashed and tipped the machine over just after this photo was taken. I had COLD water down my pants and up my shirt . . . . .brrrr! But so much FUN!

Melanie, Stephanie & Syndi -- I'll be missing you guys!

Extreme Ironing

Nothing reels me in quite like the words:
"New", "Improved", "Better than Ever" and my favorite, "Extreme". Why settle for skiing when you can do Extreme skiing? Would you rather have a Berry Pie or an Extreme Berry Pie? Are you generally busy or are you Extremely busy? See - it's kinda fun . . .

Well, imagine my fun when I heard of Extreme Underwater Ironing this morning! Frankly, I enjoy ironing as it is - but taking it to the next level and making it Extreme -- AWESOME! The only drawback . . . . I'm not a water person. I have some phobia issues with water (Really? And you have how many boats parked at your house??) Regardless, I am taking some of the lovely advice of the Australian Extreme Underwater Ironing group who just made the Guiness Book of World Records for having 70 Extreme Ironers underwater!

You can check out their website HERE

(Just a quick note about the AEUI website - the NudiBranchs link on the left hand side does not take you to nude participants of this extreme sport)

Or their video HERE

This is how I plan to turn home ironing into Extreme Home Ironing (EHI), following some of the AEUI suggested guidelines:

1. Safety is paramount. Do NOT attempt EHI where or when you are placing yourself, or others in danger.
2. If conditions are not right, make the attempt another day!
3. Pick your event location carefully!
   Pick somewhere interesting as a setting or background.
4. Do not annoy the home wildlife or plant life whilst trying to EHI.
5. Take great care whilst moving your props into place, an ironing board is not any easy thing to try and carry in the home. Use extra divers helpers where possible to make your job easier .
6. Patience!
7. Have fun, this is meant to be enjoyable not a torture test.

Hmmm.. . .looks the same as regular ironing.

Maybe I just need 70 of you to come over and help me.


Disclaimer: Extreme Home Ironing is a new sport, and is not without its risks. You undertake this sport entirely at your own risk and agree not to hold Wendy Vincent, or her family liable for any injury, death or loss of or damage to any equipment whatsoever. If you decide to undertake such an attempt, you make this attempt purely of your own free will.