Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Last week Jeff and I signed formal settlement papers against our adoption agency's insurance company.

Essentially (I believe) this settlement means the following things:

  1. We will be compensated for the out of pocket money paid for Wayde's adoption that 'fell through'. (Lawyer's fees being paid first, of course)

  2. A settlement with the insurance company is a sign that the US Attorney's are NOT filing charges against the adoption agency - as they didn't do anything illegal.

  3. I should probably take down Wayde's photo hanging in the front room.

I like how a settlement and 'closure' only makes me think of the whole thing more. I have contemplated my actions, the birthmom's actions, the US Attorneys actions and my agencies actions.

I have a few observations and things I want everyone to know:

1. Jeff & I did call the Better Business Bureau, talk to references and look up Marshallese law BEFORE we ever adopted Emma - much less Wayde.

2. I feel tremendous guilt that I didn't work harder to have Lo with us for Thanksgiving - as this would've kept her out of the hands of the US Attorney's longer.

3. I believe that a small group of over zealous, self-righteous women involved themselves in this case when they shouldn't have. And in so doing, mis-translated and mis-guided the US Attorneys and birthmoms.

4. I am disgusted that the lead US Attorney was arrested for lewdness and other such charges while trying to tell me what was 'right'.

5. I know that Lo wanted us to keep Wayde. But her inability to speak clearly and forcefully tied our hands legally. With her one break in expressing a desire to keep Wayde, she made it virtually impossible to keep him.

6. I would never have kept Wayde after she asked for him back. You have no idea how difficult it is to take someone else's child. When I receive another woman's baby into my arms and watch her heart break there is a bond made. With this difficult situation, it was impossible for me to deny her what she finally asked. How could I tell her that I was the mother now and deny her? I'm not like that.

7. Believe it or not, but Jeff & I did pray for guidance and got it. To those who have rubbed my nose in not being righteous and spiritual enough for this adoption to go our way . . . I feel bad that you have so little understanding of the power of prayer!

8. Jeff and I did hire a qualified and good man to be our lawyer and represent us. He did NOT let us down and did exactly as we would have him do. He went above and beyond to support us and some of the other families. I have not appreciated those who have criticized us on this aspect.

9. Our adoption agency is full of kind and loving people who were NOT trying to disobey any law. If anything was done unlawfully - I believe it was done unknowingly. I know that one day I will have the whole story to reflect on.

10. I will always hold a place for Wayde in my heart. Things do get made right, whether now or at a later time. I don't always know what is right and am comfortable accepting whatever it turns out to be!

Closure - does it really even exist?

All I know is that to all who have made this 2 1/2 year journey with me and eased the pain - I thank you, deeply!


Nik said...

You both are AMAZING people and I don't know how you handled everything so well, but you always have and always will be an example to me. SHAME ON anyone who would criticize you through any of this! Love you much!

Shauna said...

Oh, Wendy. My heart is breaking, again, for you and Jeff, and the boys and Emma. And Wayde. I appreciate you all the more when I think of the hurt and heart ache you have experienced with and for this sweet boy, and want to jump into "mother bear" mode when Ihear that other people questioned, doubted or second guessed you both. You were in my prayers 2 1/2 years ago, and you are again tonight (plus whatever else I can do).

Leslie said...

So many feelings in my heart... Just know that you are in my prayers.

Grandma Vincent said...

You two are so strong and such a great example to all of us. How could anyone criticize you in any of this? I am so sorry for your pain and so disgusted with people who are so self-righteous and believe they have a right to receive inspiration for you and your family or doubt your faith! That alone hurts my heart so much! I love you and your little family so much! You are always in my prayers!

The Wright's said...

Hey Wend, you are a rockstar! When I grow up, I want to be just like you. I am serious, you are my hero. You are such a good person. You are much better than me because I would have ended this post with...."And for all those who made my pain worse over the last 2 1/2 years, I am saluting you with my middle finger." Way to go for taking the high road.

All joking aside, I am inspired by you every day and am so sorry for the trials you have faced. You are so amazing. I am happy you can at least gain some closure if even on a small level. Wayde will always be a part of your family.

Jaime said...

I can't believe that people would have the gall to question your righteousness or question anything you did. They have no right.

Your faith is truly inspiring.

Lisa Anne said...

Wend, you are amazing and I cannot even imagine what you have been through but I admire you even more for living through it and coming out with a better person. Sometimes people are just dumb.