Dear Mrs. Oblivious:
My apologies for not addressing this letter more personally, but I was unable to catch your name the other day. Regardless, I simply needed to clarify our encounter at Wal-Mart this past week.
For starters, I realize that some of the craft aisles at Wal-Mart are rather narrow and may be an element of the equation that brought us together. There you were browsing craft do-dads and hee-haws while I scoured the paint section for the perfect bunny paint. And an inevitable passing of shoppers was bound to happen, right? (Except you could've chosen to turn around and head your cart down another aisle).
I wasn't much interested in the craftee hoo haws you were looking at so I was completely unprepared when you passed my paint section and had to stop and look at the paint I was looking at. I had stepped aside so you could pass me and I could continue shopping. But you stopped instead!
Stopping isn't a crime . . . . but when you turned your cart sidewise in the aisle pinning me up against a protruding display of pipe cleaners I felt somewhat VIOLATED. There simply isn't room for a 200 lb woman with chunky cheeks and your shopping cart in the arts and craft aisle! I believe I have a bruise on my butt from the pipe cleaners (sorry to be vague on that point, but I can't see back there and refuse to let anyone look).
I realize that you had NO CLUE what was happening in the aisle since you glanced up at me and smiled a really sweet little smile. Clearly you missed the shocked, anguished grimace that came back at you. Perhaps that should've been the moment we introduced ourselves . . .
In closing, I would like to suggest a few shopping strategies for future encounters you may have. First, shopping carts do not get parked crosswise in aisles with shoppers pinned up against anything. Second, when picking a paint color . . . . HURRY! And lastly, YOU can definitely assume that the peals of laughter in the aisle you just left are about you.