Monday, March 31, 2008

Embrace Your Genes

Josh is taking a 7th grade science class this semester. He's been focusing lately on punnett squares. (Hmmm. . . here's what they look like in case it's been 18 years since you've been in school too)

Josh always asks me, "Why do I have to know this?" "Is this going to help me as an adult?"

The answer is yes!

Consider this: If "B" = Relief Society Super Woman and "b" = Relief Society Handicapped. You would then be able to embrace the fact that you are "RSH" when you figure out your genotype is "bb".

This would explain why you had no idea that your good friend was suffering with her newborn baby in the hospital this week, while you kept dinging the doorbell to deliver a gift. AH! You are Relief Society Handicapped!

One of my favorite manifestations of my "RSH" is when I think about taking meals to other people. I get all revved up to make a wonderful meal that will delight my friend, perhaps have her family begging for more, and all the while making her day so much easier. Clearly she will hail my name for many weeks . . . . . . Until I burn the rice and dry up the chicken for my favorite "Cranberry Chicken" recipe, or somehow mis-measure the Cream of Mushroom soup and stuffing mix for that "No Fail Chicken" dinner that everyone else can make. Seriously, I feel like this guy:

Genetically I'm doomed - I am Relief Society Handicapped. Giving charitable service is as difficult for me as getting my thumb to bend in a curious "hitch-hiker" manner.

But I embrace these genetic traits! Just check me out as I give you an extremely straight "thumbs up" as I pull away from Kneaders with hot soup and bread for my neighbors who needed help a week ago!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Hot Chocolate

It's been one of those days. . . . . However, it's not been "one of those days" for me. But it has been for my dad, whose grandson reformatted his computer's hard drive (grandson's name starts with "E" and rhymes with Reethan) and for my friend Kim who had her boat drop off her hitch near State Street and 300 East and put a nice dent in her truck.

With that kind of news, I offer you some Hot Chocolate:

Author Unknown:

A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives.

Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate.

When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said, "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you went for the best cups... And then I noticed you began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate.

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have.

Enjoy your hot chocolate!

Friday, March 28, 2008


You know that feeling when you think something's wrong? You feel sick but you hesitate to go to the doctor because maybe you aren't sick and the doctor's gonna send you home with nothing. No diagnosis, no medicine, no promise of a cure. You practically beg for a tumor, ulcer, infection just so you can feel validated!

Today, I feel validated. I have had a long standing problem, and today it has a name . . . . . MOMNESIA!

What is Momnesia? According to a USA Today article, "It's the "the mental fuzziness and memory lapses that set in shortly after childbirth". Mother's who once had near photographic memories start to forget things! (gasp!) It's quite serious as you can imagine. The article cites that "momnesia can be dangerous, such as when moms forget to fasten the straps in an infant's car seat."

I, myself, have suffered the debilitating effects of Momnesia.

  • I have lost my keys and not remembered where I put them
  • I have forgotten the names of my children and called them by the wrong name
  • I have forgotten where the milk goes and put it in the pantry
  • I have forgotten parts of my children's childhood! I can't remember what picture Ethan drew on the wall with his crayons, I can't remember if Josh used the iron-fortified formula, I don't know which of Emma's teeth came in first!!
  • I have forgotten that I had wet laundry in the washing machine
  • I have forgotten to return phone calls
  • I have forgotten where I parked my car

What should you do if you are experiencing momnesia? Remember, "women don't get dumber after childbirth" we are just learning more. Also, keep in mind that when you have children, "You're a slightly different person afterward."

Thank goodness I took the time to read up on this illness -- you should check it out too: Momnesia. Also, share your Momnesia Moments with me, it makes me feel less alone.

On a Side Note: Here is some artwork I KNOW Ethan did - it's a picture of himself!

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Seasonal Allergies

I had to call the doctor yesterday to get a stronger antibiotic for Jeff and a new prescription for me. When the nurse asked if I had any allergies I told her I was allergic to sulfa drugs and then thinking I was funny I said "oh, and housework". Ha Ha, we chuckled over that, finished up the call and I thought that was it. Except, now that I think about it, I shouldn't have laughed so soon.

I really think I am allergic to housework! I've been so concerned about it all day that I went to WebMD and checked out my symptoms --- I'm not kidding, I think I am allergic!

Here's the checklist of my symptoms

A Mild Allergic Reaction to Housework:
  • Rash ~ Yes, I have a rash when I do housework. Mostly the rash and redness occurs near any cuts on my hands when I use the super caustic cleaners that help me feel like my home is germ free.
  • Itchy, Watery Eyes ~ Definitely fits my condition! The watery eye syndrome is particularly strong when I see the piles and piles of laundry that keep on appearing day after day.
  • Congestion ~ Of Course. Have you tried to maneuver from my front door into the living room where Emma's dollhouse is always flung about?

A Moderate Allergic Reaction to Housework:

  • Itchiness ~ Yup, I just THINK about housework and I get an itchiness ALL over! My feet itch to take me to McDonald's, My eyes itch to watch a movie, even my hand gets itchy/twitchy feeling to hold a computer mouse in my hand
  • Difficulty Breathing ~ This is a two-fold problem for me. 1st, I can't breathe when I'm hyperventilating over the ground in play-doh on my carpet and 2nd, I have trouble breathing when I pull moldy swim towels out of the boys swim bags. Ewwww!

A Severe Allergic Reaction to Housework:

  • Cramps ~ Check and double check!
  • Vomiting ~ You try not to when you clean beneath the oven and fridge!
  • Mental Confusion & Dizziness ~ That settles it! I have a SEVERE ALLERGY to housework.

I am going to have to cut back. My health is too important to throw away!

Monday, March 24, 2008

Wedding Don'ts

I just felt like I really needed to impress upon people the Wedding Do's from my previous post. I'm sure you're thinking, "Really, are these things THAT important to do?" I feel it is my duty to let you know what a wedding looks like where these guidelines are NOT used.

*** Warning ***

These photos may shock and overwhelm the mild and weak of heart

Peach & Teal in all it's 80's glory! Imagine what magic I could've made with Red & Black. And try to get a glimpse of the floral halo's.

This one pains me deeply, but fully illustrates some key points.

Makeup, hair, hat and tweezing eyebrows

This is just funny if you know these people -- hee hee!

I did forget one important Wedding Do the other day. And that's: Do Marry Someone You Love. I may not have gotten all the other pieces of advice right, but at least I followed the most important one!

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Wedding Do's

Last night a dear friend, Hiedi Taylor was married.

She was beautiful, the groom handsome and they both seemed so very happy. I was pleased to see that she followed some of my cardinal wedding rules:

  1. Do wear makeup
  2. Do your hair and if at all possible have it professionally done, even if you're wearing a hat
  3. Do decide before 4am if you are getting married at 9am that same morning

Hiedi & Emmanuel

Also at the reception were several friends of Central Elementary. It was really good to see Ronda, her husband and her son, Trevor. Ronda is also expecting a baby girl very soon.

Just for kicks, submit a comment with your own "Wedding Do's". A few of my other "Do's":

  • Do grab yummy chocolate donuts right after the wedding ceremony
  • Do wait to have sex until after the reception so you don't have a cheesy grin on your face all night long
  • Do remember that floral halo wreaths are lame for your bridesmaids
  • Do choose your favorite colors for your reception and stick with them. For example, if you've always loved red & black -- don't change your mind because the sorority girls talked you into PEACH & TEAL!

Congratulations Hiedi & Emmanuel - I wish you both much happiness!

Friday, March 21, 2008

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Life For Sale

I have been so fascinated the last few days with this man in Australia who is putting his life up for sale.

If you visit Ian's website you'll see he's auctioning off his house, vehicles, friends, job, hobby stuff, crap in his kitchen drawers . . . . . everything! He figures his house value alone is around $420,000 (is that American dollars?).

I couldn't help but think of all the money MY life would rake in if I were to sell it too! Here's some of what the winning bidder would get:

  • A 41 year old husband! This may seem like a drawback at first . . . . but just this past Monday when I was sick, he let me stay in bed until noon, did all the laundry (folding & ironing included!), brought me lunch, babysat Emma and ran all the kids to their activities! Kicking him throughout the night to stop the snoring and watching him listen to his HAM radio are minor inconveniences I assure you.
  • 3 Kids! A twelve year old boy, a ten year old boy and a 3 year old girl are part of the life too. Don't let their ages deter you - or all of their extracurricular activities and homework. Think of all the nights you can lovingly watch their sleeping faces after a LONG, HARD day of shuffling them to activities, listening to whining, repeatedly telling them to do homework and asking them "For Heaven's Sake, Stop Bugging Each Other!"
  • House & Other Assets! Of course, I can't actually give you much of the house, it does still belong to the husband. I could probably give you all of the 1999 Purple Plum colored MiniVan - crumbs, gum in cupholders, ripped seat and cracked windshield are all minor. For additional value in the house, you may want to paint the bathroom and do yard work.
  • Job! With approval of my "boss" you can have my job! Laundry, cooking, driving, nurturing (clearly not my strong skill), emergency medicine, pinching pennies, nagging, window cleaning (ha ha, like I've ever done that!) and vacumming skills are all you need. If you're interested you can also spend your free time participating in: School Community Council, Church, PTA, Swim Team, Arts Council and honing your skills at Online Games!


Tuesday, March 18, 2008

My Blessings Help Me Through Life

Next to my computer hangs a piece of Ethan's artwork. It's entitled My Blessings Help Me Through Life. Every day Emma sits on my lap and we look at it together. We say "Thank you for paper, seasons, church, priesthood, video games, colours, time, love!, my bones and computer." Then Emma lets out a nice big "AMEN!" Because by reading through the artwork we've given a prayer. Here's the artwork in two parts:

I thought today I'd share with you some of my blessings that help me through my life:

  • Rhyming words. I'm grateful for words like boots & lubes that kinda rhyme with "boobs". This way when Emma sings "E-I-E-I Boobs" or "I am a Child of God and He has sent me Boobs", I can tell other people she's really saying "E-I-E-I Boots". I feel better about my parenting if I can hide her current obsession with boobs.

  • Baseball Caps. What a wonderful invention that gives the illusion that you cared enough to do something with your hair!

  • Clean House. Yes, I'd be thankful for a Clean House, but I think the Style Network show "Clean House" does just fine. Watching it everyday makes me feel better about my own house, no matter how dirty. If you skip out on the last 10 minutes of the program it'll make you feel even better! Clean House

  • Fish. Yeah, fish. I'm so happy that there's a lesson in the Primary Manual entitled "I am Thankful for Fish". When Emma's Sunbeam teachers sent home 2 live goldfish in celebration of the lesson, I quickly felt thankful the church doesn't endorse lessons such as "I am Thankful for Iguanas", "I am Thankful for Leeches" or worse . . "I am Thankful for Snakes." Yes . . . I'm "Thankful for Fish!"


Saturday, March 15, 2008

Chuck Norris Can Sneeze With His Eyes Open

I dislike a lot of things: dirty dishes, rush hour traffic, gum on my shoe, the smell of forgotten laundry in the washing machine, a fridge full of leftovers, people who walk down the middle of the lane in the parking lot, forgetting what I went to the store for and probably a hundred other things.

But there's really only a FEW things I HATE. And one of those things is CHUCK NORRIS! I don't really know why, maybe it's the hair, the roundhouse kicks that solve everything, the sleeveless denim shirts. . . . I have never liked his Walker, Texas Ranger show or anything else he's been in. I even liked Mike Huckabee LESS when Chuck Norris started campaigning with him. For heaven's sake I'm not voting for Huckabee because I can go to a rally and learn to roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris!

With all these negative feelings towards Mr. Norris - I was dumbfounded when my twelve year old, Josh, came home from Jr. High raving about Chuck Norris! What in the heck are they teaching over there? Josh insisted, repeatedly, that we check out his website. (Chuck Norris has a website? Fans actually visit it? My mind is reeling). I faltered after his persuasion . . .I let him go to the website. Of all the stupid, stupid things I've done! I feel like I have opened a door that I can NEVER close.

I am now subjected (as well as any other living soul who enters Josh's presence) to an unrelenting list of "Chuck Norris Facts" that is provided on the website. Stuff like:

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice!
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits

I've entered a new level of torture from my child. It's gotten so bad that I actually chuckled at one of these yesterday. I never thought Chuck Norris' name would be said so frequently in my home. Next thing you know, I'll start enjoying fingernails on the chalkboard.

For the stupid brave: ChuckNorrisFacts

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Hair-Raising Story

I can tell Emma's an island girl (either that or she's really a mermaid), she really loves the water. We have a daily bath ritual (daily could really mean hourly some days). The bath ritual goes like this:

Emma: Mom! I want a bath!
Me: No
Emma: Mom! I want a bath! Noooooooowwwww!
Me: No
(Repeated three to four times)
Emma: I want a bath!
Me: Fine
At this point I leave the important thing I'm doing (Toontown is currently the "important" thing) and head to the bathroom to fill up the tub. This part of the ritual includes undressing and putting each and every toy in the tub one by one. **Warning: Do NOT try dumping all toys in the tub at once** The ritual continues:
Me: Time to hop in the tub
Emma: WHEE!
This is where my "favorite" part of the bath ritual happens. I wander off to continue doing my important things. When I hear a SCREAM!
Emma: Aaaaaggghhh! Hair!
Me: I'm coming dear
I am now required to come and fish a hair off of Emma's hand that she has found floating in the tub with her. Again I wander off . . .
Emma: Aaaaaggghhh! Hair!
Me: Here I come
Hair Removal
Emma: Aaaaaggghhh! Hair!
Me: Really? Again?
Hair Removal
Emma: Aaaaaggghhh! Hair!
Me: For Crying Out Loud!!
Hair Removal
Emma: Aaaaaggghhh! Hair!
Me: You're Done.

I pull the plug, throw the toys in the bucket and that ends the daily bath ritual!
Has anyone ever seen the quantity of hair my child has? Of course there's going to be floating hair in her tub water, she found one in her spaghetti-o's just now, they're everywhere!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Grand PooBah

Social situations drive me crazy! Thinking of what to say, how to make a good impression, ensuring a good time is had by all . . .. .this drives me crazy. I can get so worked up over social stuff! I skipped a good friends bridal shower Saturday because the thought of going and being social pushed me over the edge. (Okay, Josh was sick too). I have never attended a Tupperware party, shoe party, swimwear party, candle party, scissor party, paper clip party or dryer lint party. Why? Because they are social - and that means I don't go.

So imagine my Sunday as I know that our little ward primary is to be visited by the Stake Primary President. I know, I know . . not big deal. But she's accompanied by a member of the Primary General Board! Come on, that's a bit of a bigger deal. If I can't think of what to say at my friend's bridal shower I'm sure as heck not coming up with something brilliant for this lady!

Not only that, but when I'm told she's coming (2 days before) - I'm having flashbacks of last Sunday in primary:
  • A three year old announcing that her "bum bum" hurts to the whole primary
  • The chorister asking the children to please stop "sucking their skirts"
  • A 6 year old blowing spit bubbles and asking his neighbor to pop them
  • The primary president talking at the back of the room and having her 3 year old "shush" her.

Now I'm really sweating it as I head to church yesterday. But the afternoon passes fairly well -- Only one child freaked out that the Stake Primary President's object lesson had no ears, my own daughter spent three-quarters of the meeting turning around to wave at me as I sat next to the two visiting sisters, a surprise visit to an unsuspecting classroom and a "drop-in" to the nursery rounded out the afternoon. Overall - most of the usual dramatic elements of our primary didn't happen! I didn't say anything awkward, a hug, in farewell, to the sisters was natural and there was politeness and kindess everywhere.

But what really put this into perspective was when I came home from church. My Aunt Pat, not a member of the LDS Church, asked how it went with the "Grand Poobah" from our church there. What a change of outlook one phrase can make! You know, the "Grand Poobah" was just normal. And probably the "Grand Poobah" at the bridal shower, the Tupperware party and the community council meeting is normal too!

I think that's something to take into consideration next time I'm asked to participate in a social situation. And for those who invite me to participate in social sitations they could consider this: "Social Situations Drive Me Crazy!"

Friday, March 7, 2008

Am I Fit To Blog?

After many days of reading explicit instructions on how to set up a blog and daily checking in with some of my own favorite blogs - I HAVE MY OWN BLOG. (Wild applause and cheering go here).

Overall, this seems to look fine. I am feeling confident about the layout and my elements. But now that I'm typing . . . .. I think I'm breaking out in hives! What do I say? How much do I share? Who will see this and break into my home and steal my kids because I might post their photos and names? Do I even have anything interesting to say?

Now that it comes down to it, maybe I'm not fit to blog.

Then again, after randomly searching a few blogs, I think I might be okay. If anything, this will satisfy me and the few family and friends who will periodically lurk around here. I think my life may just be interesting enough to give someone a 3 - 4 minute break from their own life. And that's good enough for me!

Welcome to my blog!