Thursday, August 26, 2010


So, Emma went to her Kindergarten Assessment Test the other day.

It's a time when the teachers try to see how smart your kid is and decide which class they need to be in.

It went something like this:

Teacher:  What's your full name?
Emma:  *shrug*

Teacher:  What's your first name?
Emma:  Emma

Teacher:  What's your last name?
Emma:  *shrug*

We're not off to a good start.  I'm stuck at a table in a tini-tiny chair that doesn't even fit 1/2 a butt cheek.  Emma doesn't know her name and I'm trying to answer a dumb questionairre that asks what I want Emma to get out of Kindergarten.  I'm tempted to answer that I want her to get a million dollars.

The teacher continues:

Teacher:  Repeat this sentence after me:  "I have a big, black dog."
Emma:  I don't have a dog.

Teacher:  Just repeat this sentence: "I have a big, black dog."
Emma:  *long silence* "I have a white bird."

Teacher:  No, just repeat this sentence.  It doesn't have to be true or false.  "I have a big, black dog."
Emma:  No I don't.

I'm dying at the back table!  And Emma looks so confused.  The teacher just goes on:

Teacher:  Let's try another one.  Repeat this sentence: "I am going on a picnic today."
Emma:  No I'm not!

At this point I leave the room because I'm laughing so hard.  My kid doesn't know her name, she doesn't have a black dog and doesn't know what 'repeat' means.  I have no idea what happens while I'm in the hall.

When I come back Emma struggles though some letters and sounds.  She tries to write a sentence, but has to answer "I don't know how" to every word of the sentence.  Her head is sinking to her chest. 

We finish up with some math.  Stuff like, "Figure in your head, if you had three blocks and added one, how many would you have?"  I'm sure Emma doesn't know what "in your head" means. 

Luckily we finish up and skeedaddle.  Josh tries to explain what 'repeat' means in the car.  He says it's like the copycat game.

He practices like this:

Josh: Uh
Emma: Uh

Josh: Um
Emma: Um

Josh:  Will you stop it?
Emma: Will you stop it?

Josh: I have a big, black dog
Emma:  You do?

So much for preschool!  Emma's got a lot of learnin' to do this year!


Shauna said...

Oh, I love Emma! And I love Josh trying to help her understand. What a good brother!

I have always thought that those kindergarten teachers only do the assessments to satisfy the parents who are hig-maintenance...they figure out pretty dang quick just how smart the kids are really are...and they know how to teach them anyway.

THanks for sharing. I love your reaction to her answers. That is classic!

Harmony said...

My husband can't figure out why I'm laughing and tears are running down my face! He's never been to a kindergarten assessment. :-) That's a story to be told for years. Haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Thank you!

Sherry said...

Oh Wendy.......I love you!

Is Emma am or pm? I'm looking for people who want to carpool.

Sean and Janet Eyring said...

I am seriously about to fall off my chair laughing. But only laughing because my kid did the same kinds of things. I think it says a lot about the teacher if she couldn't get Emma to even understand what the question was asking. Anyhoo, love your stories. Seriously.

What did you think of Mockingjay?

Jaime said...

I think the assessment showed that Emma's ethics rise above repeating falsehoods, even from an authority figure. Ha ha! Way to go, Emma!!

This is probably what happened when you left the room:

Teacher: "Say it! Say you have a big, black dog!"

Emma: "No! Never!!"

kellieanne said...

Sam did about the same. When she was asked her first and last name she told the teacher her name was "Sam." Later, when she asked her to write her name she wrote "Samantha." The teacher asked her which name she liked to be called and she said, "My name is Samantha Jane Mellott, but you can call me whatever you want." Psych!

Muzikal Mama said...

Too funny! And especially the last bit with Josh, LOL!

And I thought it was bad when my first, who could write her name very well, decided for the first time ever, at kindergarten registration, to write it completely backwards!

Believe it or not, she's now a senior in college and doing very well. And she never writes her name least that I know of...

Nik said...

ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS!!! Way to go Emma! That'll teach those teachers to lie to her! LOL