Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Updated Funeral Plans

I've received new insight for my funeral plans.

Please follow these guidelines per my instructions:

1. Pallbearers wear baseball caps

In memory of the ball caps I always use to wear. I think this is a better choice than having them wear pajama pants which I have a passion for also.

2. Pay the crowd control police officers out of my estate.

I hate to see the toll that MJ's funeral had on the state of California, so please use the money from my estate to save Pleasant Grove from the same situation. I figure we'll need officers to channel overflow parking into the rec center and the drag. That will probably mean some crossing guards on 2nd south and closing a few other streets for the procession.

3. Have the speakers all say that I meant the world to them or that I was everything to them!

This seems to work especially well if you get some fabulous athlete to come and spout these lies about me. Apparently true, sincere sentiments aren't necessary at a funeral service.

4. T-Shirts!

Yes, print lots of T-shirts!! I want my name and photo for sale the minute I die. Nothing would please me more than my name plastered on everyone's chest.

I'll keep pondering other instructions for my funeral, but that's good so far.


Sherry said...

I'll take care of 200 south for you and won't plan on getting in and out of my driveway that day. Wait. What am I thinking? I can hardly get in and out of it now.

BUT....I will personally make sure that you're buried in style. MJ had a gold coffin you, my dear, will have TITANIUM!

Shauna said...

I can design the t-shirts...and I think they ought to have the lyrics to Love at Home on the back with photos of you sprinkled all over.

I'm dissapointment that you stopped at the sprakly gloves though. We could bedazzle ourselves silly in your honor/for you.

Taffy said...

What about music?
"I am the world"
"No one better than me"
"Super mom"
I'll think of more...

tammy said...

Wendy, I'll be so sad when you die because you mean the world to me! You have influenced my every decision and I already have a t-shirt with you on it. Is that a bad omen?

Little GrumpyAngel said...

Oh, Wendy I just had to click over and comment when I saw the intro to this post on my Google reader. This might be a little forward to say for someone who has not commented for a while but you are one crazy girl :-) And thanks for warning me about your high profile funeral. I'll make sure I schedule my visits to Utah not to coincide with your funeral.