Chuck Norris Can Sneeze With His Eyes Open

I dislike a lot of things: dirty dishes, rush hour traffic, gum on my shoe, the smell of forgotten laundry in the washing machine, a fridge full of leftovers, people who walk down the middle of the lane in the parking lot, forgetting what I went to the store for and probably a hundred other things.

But there's really only a FEW things I HATE. And one of those things is CHUCK NORRIS! I don't really know why, maybe it's the hair, the roundhouse kicks that solve everything, the sleeveless denim shirts. . . . I have never liked his Walker, Texas Ranger show or anything else he's been in. I even liked Mike Huckabee LESS when Chuck Norris started campaigning with him. For heaven's sake I'm not voting for Huckabee because I can go to a rally and learn to roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris!

With all these negative feelings towards Mr. Norris - I was dumbfounded when my twelve year old, Josh, came home from Jr. High raving about Chuck Norris! What in the heck are they teaching over there? Josh insisted, repeatedly, that we check out his website. (Chuck Norris has a website? Fans actually visit it? My mind is reeling). I faltered after his persuasion . . .I let him go to the website. Of all the stupid, stupid things I've done! I feel like I have opened a door that I can NEVER close.

I am now subjected (as well as any other living soul who enters Josh's presence) to an unrelenting list of "Chuck Norris Facts" that is provided on the website. Stuff like:

• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice!
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door
• Chuck Norris does not sleep, he waits

I've entered a new level of torture from my child. It's gotten so bad that I actually chuckled at one of these yesterday. I never thought Chuck Norris' name would be said so frequently in my home. Next thing you know, I'll start enjoying fingernails on the chalkboard.

For the stupid brave: ChuckNorrisFacts